Tips for a Better Life...

If others can do it, I can do it... If I can do it, you can do it also.. but it's not easy, even tip #1 is already a problem for me...

1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
3. Sleep for 7 hours.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Play more games.
6. Read more books than you did in 2007.
7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
9. Dream more while you are awake.
10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
11. Drink plenty of water.
12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
14. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
15. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
16. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
17. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
18. Smile and laugh more.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Don't compare your partner with others.
24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
25. Forgive everyone for everything.
26.. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
28. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
29. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
30. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
31. The best is yet to come.
32. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
33. Do the right thing!
34. Call your family often.
35. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
36. Each day give something good to others.
37. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
38. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

Where is my answer?

I have been sitting here, facing the computer
my work is piling up
but my heart is cast in winter blue
I have been trying my very best
to look for an answer

The last couple of years
haven't been very kind to me
stress has taken its toll on my soul
and has affected me physically
but still without an answer

fighting to get a piece back
of the me that I know I can be
searching for an answer
looking in the wrong places
for a true answer

something going to happen
it's probably going to keep me up
but I might have to jump
and if the rope slips
I'll do my best to get up, again

Happy Birthday..!!!

Happy Birthday, Jie... how time flies.. you are already 22... a young lady ready to face the world... the next year will be a great change for you... you will be graduating, and will be stepping into the working world... This is another big step for you... and hope that everything will turns out well for you.

I still cannot believe you are 22 already.. the years are flying by too fast. I have always been so proud of you and it is so hard to think that you are not a little girl anymore. I know sometimes I need to remind myself that you are an adult.. and I should not worry too much about you, but I want you know that I will always be here for you...

Always keep smiling with that beautiful smile, Happy Birthday...

Am I Happy?

Am I happy?? This is an interesting question I have been asking myseif recently. The answer is very subjective, even if you put two person in an identical situations, you may find that one person feels happy and fulfilled, and the other person feels like something is missing.

It actually boils down to how you see the situation. Someone always ask me - how do you see a half glass of water? Do you see it as half full or half empty? For every situation there is two ways of looking at it, and it depends on how you want to look at it.

In the past couple of years, many things had changed in my life.. for good or for worse, it also depends on how I look at it, and how I feel about it. Is it a change for the better, or is it a mistake changed?

No matter what, I hope there is more gain than lose... more life experiences... and a happier and fulfulling life ahead...and hopefully one day, I can stand up and shout "I AM HAPPY!!!"

Be alert and cautious...

Dajie sent me the below msg, true or not, still need to be alert... This simple action can happen anywhere, even in pubs and clubs.. so gals, be careful...

A man came over and offered his services as a painter to a female putting gas in her car and left his card. She said no, but accepted his card out of kindness and got in the car.The man then got into a car driven by another gentleman. As the lady left the service station, she saw the men following her out of the station at the same time. Almost immediately, she started to feel dizzy and could not catch her breath. She tried to open the window and realized that the odor was on her hand; the same hand which accepted the card from the gentleman at the gas station.

She then noticed the men were immediately behind her and she felt she needed to do something at that moment. She drove into the first driveway and began to honk her horn repeatedly to ask for help.The men drove away but the lady still felt pretty bad for several minutes after she could finally catch her breath. Apparently, there was a substance on the card that could have seriously injured her.

This drug is called 'BURUNDANGA' and it is used by people who wish to incapacitate a victim in orderto steal from or take advantage of them.

This drug is four times more dangerous than the date rape drug and is transferable on simple cards. So take heed and make sure you don't accept cards at any given time alone or from someone on the streets. This applies to those making house calls and slipping you a card when they offer their services .

Pls pass this message to all your female friends...

People in our life...

People around us, can be classified as below :-

Strangers – people we meet/know bit never come into our lives.
Casual Friends – Strangers who come into our lives but for a short duration of time, and do not make an impact to us.
Best Friends – Friends who stay in our lives for a longer period of time. They will be significantly remembered as time goes by, whether they are still by our sides or not.
The one – Someone who is close and share our path in life.

We should learn to accept the entry & exit of people in our life gracefully, it is through fate that those we love come into our path, at times only for a short period only... Don't lament that the length of time is short but be grateful that you experienced the beautiful feelings whilst your paths joined... The sweet memories are yours to keep but don't hold on to the pain as that will dampen the beauty of the memories... Move ahead, experience the vast limits of life, which is never-ending, and which will bring us more joy and happiness...

I hope you understand what I am trying to tell you, do not dwell over the past which was already over, but to welcome the days ahead with a smile...

Shitty Monday..

What a Monday... it's only 11 am, and I am exhuasted... nothing seems to be right... The last weekend was so boring and bored, stayed at home and watched TV all the while.. Soon I will become sofa potato..

Val called on Sat, and said she bumped into him. So What? I should have brushed it off already, right? But why am I still so bothered about the things she told me? Why it will still affect me... I should be strong enough by now, but why am I still so miseable? I need to portray to the world the person I want them to see.. pretend that everything is ok... but I am getting very tired..

I never thought I will give up
But I can stand no more
Everything is letting me down
And I have no control
I don’t know where I have been
It seems like I just got the rules
Like I have been dreaming all the time
And only now I realize the truth
Should I return to my dreams
Or should I continue to play the games?
But how can I be someone else?
I am so lost that I pretend
That if I close my eyes and count to ten
Everything will be ok
And I will have my life again

幸福

Recently I am hooked on this album by 黃思婷. It's more like a spiritual album, but the songs are very soothing...When I am in a lousy mood, or when feeling lonely, I will have this album playing, it really helps.. I especially like one of the song inside, the lyrics is very meaningful, as Someone has been telling me all the while... 施比受更有福，付出就是一种幸福。

纵然俯看茫茫人世中，
多少纷纷扰扰失落的眼神，
漂泊的灵魂与无助的身影，
深深刻刻印在我心中，
不愿看见困惑与悲伤，
牵手走出黑暗太阳不西沉，
明天复明天希望却何其多，
得失只是一种过程。

站在世上最高之巅，
潜进海里最深之源，
终於明白人世间，
施比受更有福，
付出就是一种幸福。

用爱走出人生的路，
关怀身边每一个人，
今后回顾这一生，
我不枉费此生，
潇洒踏步不带尘土。

http://www.youmaker.com/video/sa?id=5e0f4e3e01cb48ce8622473bb89c8c8b001

Happy 18th Birthday...

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday my baby...
Happy Birthday to you...

Today is my little baby's 18th birthday... We had a little BBQ party for her last night, but it started to rain before we have anything to eat... Moved everything upstairs, so we have a little buffet party instead... It was fun running in the rain, I think... and I hope she and her friends had great fun too...

I know 18 years old is a legal age for some stuff... but no matter what, you must always think carefully before you do it... Some things once done, are not able to reverse, to delete, or turn back... Everything you do now, will reflect on your life later, so do not think of now, but also your future, your life ahead... As I have told you, when you are 18, 28, 38, 48 or 58, you are always and will be always my baby... a never grown up baby...

I just want you to be happy always, and I am always here for you... I wish I can give you everything you need in life, every love you need... Mummy will always love you... Stay sweet and happy always...

For you.. For me..

I am now stuck in office on a Saturday afternoon, stuck with my work... Stealing 2 minutes of my time to read CCM's blog...And I think at last after a long struggle, she is letting go... letting go of the person, her love, her dream...

Well, not everyone or everything will turn out the way we wished...But as long as we know we have tried our best, do not dwell on to the past... Just lift your head up and move on... Tomorrow when you open your eyes, the sun will be shinning brightly again...

拥有的时候要珍惜
失去的時候不後悔

两个人在一起，
不是简简单单的爱就行吗？
不是只有坦承相对,
就可以维持永远吗？

为什么我们的世界这么复杂,
是因为我们想得东西太多了？
是因为我们害怕去爱？
是因为我们害怕失去？

我们可以永远停留在最开心的日子吗？
我们可以永远都不会面对黑暗吗？

Tears & Joys
Ups & Downs..
Hand in hand
Going through life together

Leaving behind of what is not suppose to be ours
Leaving behind all our unhappiness
Looking forward of what is suppose to be our picture
Looking forward to our little sunshine

Do not ask for more
But walk the extra road ahead
Cos what stood in front of us
Is the best of what we will have

Random poem by me... does it make sense?

七夕情人节。。。

今天是农历七月初七， 也是七夕紫色情人节，是相传牛郎织女鹊桥相会的日子。。。
而且今天天空一定会下雨。。。因为是一年一次的相会， 相思的激动， 见面的喜悦， 短暂相见后， 又是一年伤心的别离， 种种感情交织在一起的泪水滑落下来， 使这人间下了“七夕”之雨。。。

有人牵挂是一种幸福， 有人思念也是一种幸福。。。

希望我们。。。七夕快乐
希望我们。。。 永远开开心心
希望我们。。。 一直都幸福

Winter in my heart...

I try to be positive and a little humorous around people, but sometimes it feels like swimming against the tide... I try to look happy and cheerful around people, but sometimes the heart feels cold and lonely... Sometimes I think I need to think more positively about things. Maybe I am at a stage that I have to accept and face my problems and move on with things... But it is easier said than done. What is gone cannot be found again... What is empty, cannot be replaced again... When will the sun shine in my heart again???

Here's a winter in my heart
It's cold, lonely and bare
No matter what I try to plant
Nothing ever grows there
Fertilizers are of no use
The green grass is dead and gone
There are no bees buzzing
And no birds singing songs
There's a winter in my heart
A place where love once resided
Love ran away with the spring
After feeling unwanted and chided
Love has found its place
Among the blossoming trees
Never wanting to return
To my frozen, lifeless leaves
There's a winter in my heart
I await the season's change
to melt away the ice and snow
and with it, take the pain

it's August...

I have no idea where July went, or even June for that matter... but, the fact is - it is August 1st today! Actually there is nothing special this month..except maybe for our National Day next week, but then it is on a Saturday, which does not give us an extra day off..

The only thing I find special is next Friday, which will be the 08-08-08, and in Chinese calendar, it is also the 8th day of the Seventh month... Wow... so many 8s in a day... and it's the official opening for Olympics 2008 in Beijing...

Tomorrow will be weekend again... time to relax myself a little, maybe will try to do some baking...

Brighter Days Ahead...

Last night had dinner with my jie jies, we had mala steamboat. It was quite a while since we last met... All of us are busy, especially Sanjie and me. She is busy with her business, me with the new house... But nevertheless, we will still find time to get together... and we had quite a fun time chatting and laughing together...

Sanjie was asking me why my blog is always so sad, why I seemed to be down and troubled? Do I really sounds so pessimistic? Dajie told me I should learn how to let go, and not keep on asking myself "what if...?"

Time has not been easy for me, especially the last couple of years.. Time seems to fly by too, it is already one year since I am divorced, legally single. Yes, I should tell myself not dwell on the past, but look ahead, to search for my sunny and brighter days...

Time keeps moving on
Through the sunshine and the storm
And my dreams are set in stone
And someday I’ll be who I want to be
For now I’ll wait
For the sun to shine again
And for now I’ll wait
For the rain to pass away

’ll see the sun one day shine upon me
I’ll see the sun one day
And watch the nighttime turn to morning

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

Our Freedom...

I'm back.. Had not come into "my little space for thoughts" for nearly a month... Havd been busy with packing, unpacking, decorating the house, non-ending stuffs to do.. Now at least the house looks like home, our own little nest just for the three of us...

The last few days, when mei was at home alone everyday while jie went to school and me at work, I asked her, "do you feel bored?" Her reply to me was "No, cos no one to nag at me now..." It made me realised what my gals have been missing all the while, their little own space...

Everyday just looking forward to go home... to play our Wii games... to our little heaven... freedom at last...

My horoscope for Friday, June 27:

You're in good spirits today and your playful mood busts out more than once when others are starting to feel down. It's a good time to plow through boring or repetitive tasks while it's still fun!

The last few days had been very busy and stressed... with work, with the renovations, getting the nest ready, and packing.. Well, as my horoscope said today, actually packing up our stuff is quite fun... you can find things which had gone missing for a long time, things which was once a treasure to you, seeing old photographs of yourselves and laughing at it... and lots of funny stuffs that you had kept for so long, and wondered why you would have bought in at the first place...

Well.. I think my this weekend will be spent packing up the things as we still have tons of things to pack.. and getting our nest ready for us...

Wanna be loved...

Just happen to chance on this song, and I think it speaks someone's mood (maybe mine too) at this moment... Cheer up and you will find your 'You' very soon...!!!

Love once left me cold and gray
I had almost reached heaven
Just to feel it slip away
But life's too short to waste away
Being scared to take chances
Or so I've heard wise men say

I wanna be loved
Faithful and true
I wanna be loved
Ten million lifetimes with you
I wanna be loved
And after all I've been through
I'll let my heart take it's chances, just to be loved by you

I wanna feel there's a reason for living again
I want us to fly far away
And I want my heart to sing the words only you can understand
So put your hand in mine, say a prayer tonight
So that we may find love

"I Wanna Be Loved"--Eric Benét

Sunshine After Storm?

Is there sunshine after storm? Who will shelter me? Who will hold the umbrella for me? Is there rainbow ahead for me?

人生路上甜苦和喜忧
愿与你分担所有
难免曾经跌倒和等侯
要勇敢的抬头
谁愿常躲在避风的港口
宁忧波涛汹涌的自由
愿是你心中灯塔的守候
在迷雾中让你看透
阳光总在风雨后
乌云上有晴空
珍惜所以的感动
每一份希望在你手中
阳光总在风雨后
谁相信有彩虹
风风雨雨都接受
我一直会在你的左右

Misses Glass

Recently, I am having very low self-esteem, and trying to work my ass out to try to finish up my work-load, and to cope with my daily life. I know I am not super woman, and will never be able to make everyone satisfied and happy, but I am trying my very best, and pushing myself very hard... hope I can last...

See I try to hide the fact
That I am just a fragile individual
So I give off this facade that I'm so hard
When in fact I'm far from unbreakable
I'm so afraid to talk and express myself
Keepin' all my feelings bottled inside
Of this empty shell that I call my heart
'Cause I can't let love back in again...
Oh, I wish I'd known love was cold before I fell in
'Cause I went head on with its storm
Like lightning going into sand...

Oh, it's better to have loved
Than not to have loved at all
So I guess I should feel fortunate
But it don't feel that way, least not in my heart
'Cause see love has left me broken (broken like glass)
So when you see me you can call me
See me you can call me Misses Glass

Now after all the lying to myself
I'm stuck feeling miserable
When I have forced myself to be somebody else
Making me seem invisible
'Cause see I'm a woman like any other woman
Indecisive and emotional
And you might never ever know
Oh, I wish I'd known love was cold before I fell in
'Cause I went head on with its storm
Like lightning going into sand.

Misses Glass - Leona Lewis

位置..

Empty your heart now, and fill it with with joy. Empty your grief, your guilt, and fill it with love, empty your hatred and your sadness, and fill it with happiness...

But I am not able to do it... I can't feel anything now, I can't think of anything now... I have my doubts that I will able to happy again.. truly happy...

Can I just melt away... Can I just disappear into the thin air???

月色映在我的脸庞
今夜适合寂寞陪伴
说过的话绕在我脑海不停的转
有些事总不能重来
我不愿意也没法办
所以说我要抛开这一切烦
你在我心里占了这个位置
才能对你透露所有心事
眼前的一切风风雨雨
需要我们携手坚持
我在你的心里有多少位置
只有你自己最能够解释
我相信这答案是我乐意
见到的唯一表示
不想在地表里消失
你给我的爱是无知还不懂事
现在我才慢慢发现我的坚持
痛依然在我心里还浑然不知

Three Little Birds...

The past few days had been quite enjoyable for me, as the gals are working upstairs, and they will come down during lunch breaks, dabao food back, and we will have lunch together, food, gossips and laughter...

We will come to work together, (although waking them up in the morning is quite a chore), and go home together, and have dinner together... chatting, and with lots of gossips again... like three little birds...
Seeing them so happy and carefree makes me very happy too...

Don't worry about a thing
Cause every little thing gonna be all right

Rise up this morning
Smiled with the rising sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singing sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true

Don't worry about a thing,
Cause every little thing gonna be all right - I wont worry!

May 24... Ist anniversary of my blog...

Today is May 24, and marked the 1st Anniversary of my blog. I started this blog as a place to unleash my emotions and as a hideaway place for my feelings. At least that was the initial reason when I started this blog...

I wanted a place where I could jot down my thoughts and feelings which I could not or simply do not wish to confide in anyone... it's not for public reading, but my own personal space to breathe...

Many things had changed over the past year, from sadness to happiness, from lonliness to fulfillness... There are many things that go on in daily life that I choose not to blog about... Sometimes it is because I am too tired to blog or do not have the time, sometimes I choose not to because I do not want to be judged by others, and some things are too personal to announce to the whole world.

Well, no matter what, I plan to keep blogging, and be happy... :) Happy anniversary to my blog!

Get going...

These few days I felt quite depressed and irritated, with work, with life, with everything. Well, I keep on reminding myself, despite the situation, despite what comes may, the most important thing is get myself going.

不管什么时候，不管发生什么事，
最重要的是千万不要放弃自己。

人活着难免会有挫折不如意的时候
无精打采的时候。

也可能会碰到难一直信的情况。
即使遭遇到诸如此类的情况时，也不要放弃。

失落的时候，无精打采的时候，
只要相信自己， 就会有好结果。

Today's thought...

Dance as though no one is watching
Love as though you've never been hurt
Sing as though no one can hear you
Live as though heaven is on earth.

Why? Why? Why?

Why are you always creating troubles and more problems for us? Isn’t my life now is already stressful enough? Why do you still need to add more headaches for me?

Why is it everytime everyone must react according to you ways? Why must you control us to listen to you every whim? Why is it that everytime you snap you fingers, then everyone has to come lapping to you? Why must you use your crocodile tears to get people to pity you? Why you are always the right one, and everyone is the imperfect ones? Why is it you always like to twist your words? Why are you always telling so many untruth stories to make it like we are always at fault, even when it is not? Why are your story-telling so realistic, that it makes everyone else think it is real? Why is it your assumptions will eventually sounds like the real fact?

Why there are so many whys which I can’t even answer?

我有一帘幽梦...

Everyone have dreams at different part in their life... some had their dreams come true and others are still waiting for it. I myself have many dreams which I have at this stage of my life, but I don't know how and what to do to make my dreams come true...

Someone told me even if we don't achieve all our dreams .... Be happy for what we have already achieved so far.... don't look at the past failures... but look ahead and reach for your dreams, and plan for your new life and new dreams... don't give up hope or faith... there will be a time when you will feel you are on the top of the world!!!

May all your dreams come true.........and mine too *-*

我有一帘幽梦 不知与谁能共
多少秘密在其中 欲诉无人能懂
窗外更深露重 今夜落花成塚
春来春去俱无踪 徒留一帘幽梦
谁能解我情衷 谁将柔情深种
若能相知又相逢 共此一帘幽梦　

Words Hurt...

Words hurt... Some people speak words through their lips without going through their brains. These words carry invisible knives and the receiving party may be stabbed, deep and hard. Whether they realised it or not... Whether being ignorant or doing it intentionally... Only the person will knows...

Some people live their life trying every way to hurt others verbally, saying awful, insensitive, hurtful words towards their family and friends... Do they feel better after saying these verbal attacks at another? Why the need to attack someone and harm someone with such force?

Why did you choose to hurt someone with your words?

Today...

Today is not the worst day, but it is not one of the best day too... so many unpleasant things happened, it made me wonder how long I can last?

Alone now, destinated or by choice, I am also not sure myself. I am not referring to this moment only, but the road ahead of me.. I am at a crossroads now, or should I say a dead-end, or a no U-turn? It is funny that sometimes we know things will not end up the way we want or wish, and yet we still do them. Sometimes we realize that we were doing the craziest things that we thought we will never have done it in our lives.

Sometimes I feel like crying, just like now... tears welling up my eyes, feel like letting go of everything. But I need to hang on, I need time to heal, I need to start anew.

It's a quite a while I had this feeling, but I really need a hug now, I need a shoulder to lean on now...

It's like...

You can’t fly without a sky
You can’t clean your hands with a dirty soap
You can’t cover your shivering body with a wet coat
You are just making it worse

It’s like…
Waiting for the help when nobody care
Trying to make it better when no one is even there
You’re are losing yourself for nothing

It’s like…
Loving someone who don’t deserve
Following a dream that will get you to nowhere
Giving your all for no one
You’re are losing yourself for nothing

CCM - for you...

Nest building...

Today mark the first day of renovation for our new home... the start of building our own little nest...

First to do is to tear down the kitchen cabinets and wardrobes... That's the progress so far for Day 1. But our minds are still empty on how and where to start, as we have nothing planned or designs ready yet... But I am sure as the days go along, our little nest will turns out to be perfect...

Will be updating on the progress of our nest building here...

Poem for my gals..

What can one do when seeing your gals tied up with their schoolwork, so stressed with their exams, but unable to help them? I always thought moms can do wonders, but at times like this, so desperate wanting to help, but not able to understand what is going on with their work? That’s me…

The most I can do is to help them to type some notes, print them out. Cut papers and trying to be useful and helpful. Trying to accompany them through their work, and giving them support and encouraging words ... the most I can do is to write something for the gals...

In my daughter’s eyes I wish I am a hero
I wish I am strong and wise and know no fear
I wish I am able to give them
Strength when they are weak
But the truth is plain to see

When she wraps her hand
Around my finger
Oh it put a smile in my heart
It is like when I feel like giving up
Then I see the light in my daughter’s eyes

Though she will grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
Or when I am gone one day
I hope you will see how happy
You have made me

My Name?

What Jennifer Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

My workload is piling...

My workload is piling unbelievably higher and higher as the day goes by... I am feeling so suffocated and tired. Wondering when all these work or problems will be settled, wondering how long I can last... I really need a break.

But!!!
Looking at the bright side...
At least I'm still get paid for my sufferings...
At least I still have my two beautiful gals with me...
At least we are going to move into my own home soon...

Our own home....

At last, one of the dreams 3 of us are always hoping for comes true. Today we collected the keys to our new home, our own home sweet home... This will be our very first home, just the 3 of us...

From tomorrow onwards, we will be getting busy with the designing, the renovations, etc.. Phew... So excited about it...renovating our first home together. No doubt there will sure be arguments and disagreements on some ideas/things which we will not agree with each other, but I think everything will be going to work out fine.

From now onwards, the path ahead will also be a tough one, with the housing loan, maintenance, electrical bills, etc to pay every month, we need to tie our purse strings tightly, and not spend unnecessarily. But then, having our own home, I think the struggling is worth it..

Our Home Sweet Home...!!!

My Angel...

There are many Angels in the world;
Some are peacefully sleeping on clouds, a few are playing
And one is reading this.
Thank you, my angel...

Are you one of my Angels? My Guardian Angel?

Happy Anniversary....

Happy Anniversary to me and him. Today will be our 22nd anniversary, if we are still in the marriage. Wondered if he remembered? I doubt so, he don't even remember it when we are together, so definitely not now...

Sometimes I will still wonder what he is doing now? Found someone new? Will he still think of us, his 2 gals? especially on days like today and birthdays...

Even though we are not together now, and even though he won't be reading this, I still want to thank him... Thank him for giving me my two little princesses, two of the most beautiful gals one can ever ask for. Without them, I don't think my life will be as wonderful as now. Without them, I don't think I can last through this lonely journey alone..

Well, at least there is still something good from the marriage...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I smile
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I am fearful
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I am tearful
Sometimes I am happy
Sometimes I am sad
Sometimes I am lonely
Sometimes I am mad
Sometimes I can't say
Sometimes I talk all the way
Sometimes I want to go out and play
Sometimes I want to hold my breath

I just live by every emotion , moment by moment.. day by day ....!!!

Sh*t You!

V called this morning, and said she just had breakfast with him. She went on to telling him must keep in contact with the gals (why bother?), and he claimed that he is still contacting them. What a liar! So far, he has not even called either one of them since he left us. Why is he until now still trying to show/tell others that what a good man/father he is? What is he trying to portray? I felt so annoyed and frustrated..I am so angry now and my head feels like bursting...
The Ten of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in acceptance. It's over and done in no uncertain terms. I recognize, surrender to or accept the finality of the truth or consequences in order to look to the future or have "changed my mind." I let go of all attachment or resistance to sustaining conditions that don't work or are out of my hands. E tu brute? I can't move forward by beating a dead horse. It's the last word so put a period on it and move on. I am empowered by truth and consequences and my virtue is liberation or release from suffering, uncertainty or victimhood.

So Empty...

Have not been writing anything for the past week. Everyday is just work, work and work, and feeling a sadness and emptiness inside me. I am feeling so empty these past few weeks, sort of like I don’t belong anywhere or anyone. I try to look cheerful and happy everyday, but I'm just feeling so..so..so empty inside, as like an empty shell. I feel so blank, so vacant…

The feelings I used to have through all my life
Is not like the same anymore.
Tired from complaining and having pity on myself,
Trying to erase all the memories from my mind.
My mind is exhausted; my eyes are dry,
Not sad, not happy, not even alive!
Feels like my soul is not here anymore
Just emptiness and numbness inside…

Loneliness...........

Sometimes when I read articles about happily married couples, telling their wonderful love life, it always make me feels so empty and lonely.

This feeling of loneliness isn't about isolation or having no friends or family. It's more of a longing, a wish to find someone that could be there just for company. I feel lonely in the sense that I long for someone that I can always talk to, someone that I can always be with. Someone that I can share my feelings and my thoughts with. It's useless to just keep writing down my feelings or to just post it here. My blog doesn't talk back or comfort me nor does my computer. This loneliness is just a longing for someone to share feelings with, to be with.

你的心情总在飞
什么事都想去追
想抓住一些安慰
你总是喜欢在人群中徘徊
你最害怕孤單的滋味

你的心那么脆
一碰就会碎
经不起一点风吹
你的身边总是要許多人陪
你最害怕每天的天黑

但是天总會黑
人总要离別
谁也不能永远陪谁

而孤單的滋味
谁都要面對
不只是你我會感覺到疲惫

當你孤單你会想起谁
你想不想找个人来陪
你的快乐伤悲
只有我能体会
让我再陪你走一回

Drowned with work!!!

I am so dead... flooded with so much work, my mind is full of unfinished work.. When is the workload going to slow down... I am going to be drowned soon... Help!!!

Here is my horoscope
for Tuesday, March 18:

There's probably a bit too much going on today for you to process all at once, so try to record as much as possible for later. Things should settle down really soon and get much better.

My silence doesn't mean I forget about you,
My disappearance doesn't mean I don't care about you,
Because you are always in my mind
And you are always in my heart.

Tired!!!

Have not come into my little private space for a while, as I was in Guangzhou working. So busy from day to night that did not even have time to buy anything for myself, sianz. Lucky managed to get the gals the things on their shopping list for me.

Tried to do some blogging there , but after many attempts, still not able to access to it. I complained to Jie about it when home, and she told me Blogspot was banned in China... No wonder, so ignorant of me.

Have been so busy the last weeks, that I felt so exhausted.. real dead tired. Don know how long I am going to last... Need lots of battery charging...

Tired..Tired...Tired....

明天会是怎样的?

我等待明天的到来，
可是明天并不会给我带来什么。
我等待我的未来会怎样，
可是未来根本不能肯定是好的。
原来这个世界根本没什么值得期待的...

Here is my horoscope
for Friday, February 29:

Life is kind of hard for you, as you want to get out in the world and take part in some new opportunity -- but you are stuck taking care of an old obligation. If you're good, things should pick up soon.

I am so so tired, of work, of life, of everything... I have been a good girl, but why am I still stuck here??? Life is killing me... Feels like giving up everything...

"Can't take that away"

by Mariah Carey

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I will not allow
Anyone to succeed
Hanging clouds over me
And they can try hard to make me
That I don't matter at
But I refuse to falter
In what I believe
Or lose faith in my dreams

Cause there's a light in me
That shines brightly
They can try
But they can't take that away from me
From me

They can d anything they want to do
If you let them in
But they won't even win
If you cling to your pride
And just push them aside
See I have, I have learned there's an inner peace I own
Something in my soul
That they cannot possess
So I won't be afraid
And darkness will fade

No Oh... They can't take this
Precious love I'll always have inside me
Certainly the Lord will guide me
Where I need to go, oh...

They can say anything they want to say
Try to bring me down
But I won't face the ground
I will rise steadily
Sailing out of their reach
Oh Lord
They do try hard to make me feel
That I don't matter at all
But I refuse to falter
Or lose faith in my dreams

Cause there's light in me that shines brightly
Hey... hey... They can try
But they can't take that away from me

The light inside You!!

It doesn't matter what people do to you - what matters is what you allow them to do to you. People will do all sorts of cruel things, both intentionally and unintentionally, but you can't let that break your spirit. You can't let what others say about you kill the light that is shinning so brightly within. You can't let what others do to you kill your dreams!!

In life, we need to go through what others say and do to us which we don't deserve. We need to strive for our peace, joy, love and happiness despite of the things that people do to us to bring us down. Don't allow those remarks and actions break our spirits. We are far too precious and valuable for that. To our loved ones, we are important and valuable. We are loved, we are precious and we are beautiful!!! Be encouraged and stay strong!

Never let your light go out, keep on shining!!!

Dreaming Again...

As I sit here gazing out the window,
Instead of working, I’m daydreaming of you...
And wondering if while you’re in your own world,
You’re thinking of me too.

I remember the day we met and how you made me feel,
Looking at the glowing smile on your face,
Staring into your dreamy eyes,
Your smell, your touch, your warm embrace

And now, I’m starting to feel that warmth inside,
Like nothing or no one else can make me feel...
Butterflies, a constant smile, happy thoughts,
Looking forward to the next time we meet.

What lies ahead, down the road?
Can it possibly be what I’ve been hoping for?
All my goals, dreams, passions, hopes...
Glaring now before me with great anticipation.

No one knows what tomorrow brings...
One can only wish and believe...
I have abounding faith that God will take care of me,
And bring the right person into my life.

Get Tattooed??

Of course not on you. .But try it. It's really cool.

Visit this site. Wait for the lady to appear, then write your name in the first line and your boyfriend's name in the second line. Whatever name you wish to enter is entirely up to you. No need to give your email address. Press the VISUALIZAR bar. Watch and see!

Have Fun!!!

Only in my Dreams...

There was a time for love…
But only in my dreams.
Fleeting moments of happiness
flooded my soul..

Try as I could, the best heart to give,
I still couldn’t see
There was any love for me.
My eyes just could see
The grey clouds in the sky.

Gone the beautiful fluffy dreams,
Lost the excitement of love.
The heart had no place to go, no place to grow.
No way to give, so how could it live?
There was a time for love……..
But only in my dreams………….

Way Back Into Love......

Saturday, and I am working… I am so immersed with work recently, I am really tired and lonely. I started to think maybe I need to attempt to find someone. A hand to hold, a shoulder to rest my head on, someone I can talk to, who will listen to my ramblings...After such a long marriage, it is not easy to being single again...But am I ready???

I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to any suggestions.

All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping someone will be there for me in the end!

Happy Valentine's Day to Me!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day… for one who loves and felt being loved, and I hope everyone has a wonderful and enjoyable day today with your loved ones!

Me? I am spending tonight alone, at home… The girls are out, and I am busy burying myself with work. I don’t usually celebrate this day, but this year I am feeling a bit lonely and sorry for myself. Stupid, right? But at least I received one present from Jie, my favourite from Ice-Cream Chef.

PS . I wonder how many women send themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day? Not that I am thinking of it – just wondering.

Our Phuket Holiday!!!

We are just back from our litle holiday. This year's CNY is different, as we spent the 4 days in Phuket.

We stayed at the Banthai Beach Resort and totally loved it. Besides being a beautiful hotel with great pools and serve good breakfast, it is also close to the shopping areas and along the main beach of Patong. Our room is situated on the ground floor, and it opens to the garden and pool, and great place for relaxing. The people there are friendly, and a great place to practice our bargaining skills.

We went on an island hopping tour on a speed boat, snorkeling in crystal clear waters near Phi Phi island, and sun tanning at Khai island. The 4 days were spent para-sailing and jet-skiing along the beach, more sun-tanning and shopping. The nightlife there is also very happening.

We came back with lots of beautiful memories, our shopping, and painful skin due to sun tanning… but we will definitely go back again…

Happy New Year!!!

Finally, the three of us is going for our little holiday! Tomorrow morning we will be flying off to Phuket - "The Pearl of the South". Actually I am quite excited about it. It will be a good 4 days of rest, sun and beach for us... and a precious bonding time for us...

As jie said, it was more than 2 years that I had a good rest and holiday, so I am going to fully enjoy myself, and going to ignore those unpleasant remarks that will dampen my mood...

The next time I blog again will be in the year of the Rat, how time flies... Here's wishing me and us a Happy and Prosperous New Year...

你是我的宝贝！！！

你笑得天真无邪
我做你的依偎
风筝高高飞得远
放开手中线
如果想飞用力追
美梦总会实现

未来某一天
你或许调皮捣鬼
或许惹我生气流泪
可我依然爱你不会改变

未来某一天
月儿弯弯眯着眼
你笑得天真无邪
你是我的宝贝

你们两个永远是我的宝贝.. Love You!

At Peace with the World...

One can only control own actions and comments but not what others say or do to you. End of the day if your conscience is clear that you have not done or say anything to hurt others and yet you find yourself at the receiving end, being blamed, then you should remind yourself that what others want to do or say is beyond your control. One can only be fair to everybody but one can never please everybody.

To be weighed down by what others say or do to you is never positive or productive. If the accusations are untrue, by all means tell your side of the story. But if the accusations are done behind your back without hearing your version of the situation, the next question will be whether it requires your explanation. If it’s not too serious let it go and be at peace with the knowledge that it’s not your fault.

If it's serious enough and need clarification, ask if immediate response is required because with certain situations time will automatically reveal the truth. This tells you to be patient and at peace with yourself, when you are at peace with yourself the accusations will not affect you. A peaceful person gets strength from a clear conscience, strong enough not to be swayed by false accusations.

Remember, you can only be fair to everyone but you will never be able to please everyone. If you can achieve this you will be at peace with yourself and at peace with everyone.

Time...

"Time heals all wounds"

Time does many things. Time passes and goes. Time heals wounds and leaves behind broken pasts. Time goes slowly or hastily, leaving things forgotten in the end.

But Time cannot go backwards, only goes forward. Can't reverse to the times mistakes were made. Can't return to the past.

If only Time could heal these wounds. For me to forget what has happened, to let go of those unpleasant memories.

If only Time could erase these memories and thoughts. For me to Love again, to let go of this anger and hate.

If only Time could.

One year ago, today, he left, without a word.

Deadlines!

Looking at the work load & deadlines set for this week, I really dread it big time! All things need to be done and sent by this Friday before the CNY break is killing me. The worst thing is not feeling quite well now, having sorethroat, cough and headache. The sick bugs always hit me during CNY, the only time when I can have a few days’ rest. But this year cannot afford to be sick, as really looking forward to 4 days of rest by the sea, eating and sun-tanning…Mmm… my own motivation to get through these few mad days… Just hope it will pass peacefully… Pray Hard!!

Parents' 44th Wedding Anniversay!!

Today is my parents' 44th Wedding anniversary. 44 years of marriage life is not easy, especially now that I am single again. Having someone to talk to, to comfort you and to share your joy, or just simply sitting next to you and holding your hand is a blessed thing. (Yes, from my own experiences.)

Yesterday we attended their Graduation Ceremony. They had attended a 4-months' course held specially for senior citizens to learn how to enjoy their golden age. It was a joyous and memorial occasion, as at their age, they still have a chance to put on a motarboard, and we are very proud of them.

Although we may have our fair share of squabbles, I am still glad to be part of this wonderful family, they are still the best parents one can asked for, and I hope my parents have many years of love and joy together. Love you Dearly!!!

Blogging to De-stress!!

I am enjoying the spare few minutes I have to put some little thoughts and reflections of my life, my pain and frustrations, and to share my joy and happiness. I see blogging as a wonderful time to de-stress. I have about 999 things to worry about everyday, with work and home. This is a little few minutes of peace where I can go through my thoughts.

As I lie down to sleep at night, I can hear the soft breathing and snoring of my precious gals, and I know that I am not alone and that I am truly blessed. And tomorrow will be here sooner than you know.

Stressed!!!

Things in my life are getting more stressful and complicated. It seems like nothing is right anymore. Even trying to get our own little space is also so difficult. I have so many things to do, but I do not have the energy to do. I feel very stressed! My mind is so occupied with things, nothing can get into my head no more.

Everything is frustrating me, and I am trying my absolute best not to let the stress takes over my life and my time with the gals. I know sometimes they are also frustrated with me for not giving my full attention to them, and maybe getting a little long-winded, but I really hope they understand what I am going through now. No matter what, I will not let myself becomes a “Stoned Mum” again.

伟大的爱!!!

People say that when one is in love, you are always wearing a smile in your face. When you found the right one, everyday is like walking in the air. Things seem to be happier because you have someone who will "accompany" you throughout the day. It feels good to love and be loved in return. Love is a wonderful feeling, and you can do many crazy things when you’re in love.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you love

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because you love me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because you love me

Because You Love Me by Celine Dion

For CCM...

If you have everything you can hope for; a stable job, good health and enough money to spend, but you still feel there is something missing from your life, then it should be LOVE, it is something which we should not ignore.

Life without love is just like a body without soul, and meaningless. Love gives us meanings to life. A lucky person will get love and keeps the flames of love burning forever. Love is for life and life is for love.

Be sincere to yourself. It is not easy to have a life long loving relationship and live a healthy, happy and joyful life. It is easy to fall in love, but difficult to keep the flames on love burning. Before indulging in serious long term love relationships, be sure that the person you love is also sincere with you.

PS...祝福你!

My little Prayer...

Feel I am getting old before my time
As my soul heals the sadness
I will try to grow through this pain
Send someone to love me
I need a shoulder to rest
To keep me safe from harm
To keep me dry from the pouring rain
To keep me warm from the cold
To give me endless joy and happiness

Alone & Empty...

Lately, the feeling of despair is back again. I can’t put into words, but I feel a sense of loneliness… It had happened before, but I am feeling that the dark curtains have come down again.

I don’t know is it the exhaustion and stress that I am going through that makes feel this way. Even my skin is showing signs of stress. I felt so alone and empty…

Something has left my life
And I don’t know where it went to
Somebody caused me strife
And it’s not what I was seeking.

Didn’t you see me, didn’t you hear me
Didn’t you see me standing there

Why did you turn out the lights
Did you know that I was sleeping

Say a prayer for me
Help to feel the strength I did
My identity has been taken
Is my heart breaking on me

All my plans fell though my hands
They fell
Though my hands on me
In my obvious it suddenly seems
Empty

To me, the last year has marked lots of memories in my life. It was a year that brought me unforgettable memories. Life is full of ups and downs. Life is full of stones throughout the road. But without all these stones, without walking through it, I think I will not be who I am today. It was painful stepping on it, and it hurts terribly, and the wounds need time, courage and tears to recover. Whether it was a small little wound or big deep cut, every little single wound is a lesson to me. They had taught me to stronger.

I am still not as strong as I wish I am, and sometimes I still get over-stressed and over-worried about everything, and sometimes I still feel like hiding under my pillow and cry myself out.

I just hope the year ahead will be a brighter one for me and the gals, full of beautiful memories, joy and happiness!!!

New Year's Resolutions???

I never have New Year's Resolutions. I always have so many things in my mind that I would like to accomplish every year. I don’t see any point in making them when I might even not be able to make it, and it will be more disappointing then. So to make things simple, I have decided that my resolution this year is to resolve any matters/things which need to be resolved. I think it is more important to set goals all year round, whether it is January or September. And I will also try not to be so stressful about the little things and take life a bit more relaxed. Be grateful for what I have, but also have fun, relax and enjoy my life.

So here's to a whole new set of 366 days, another whole new year, I hope everyone has a great one!

If you think you’re a winner you’ll win,
If you dare to step out you’ll succeed.
Believe in your heart, have a purpose to start,
Aim for the goal within your means.
Thoughts of faith must replace every doubt,
Words of courage and you cannot fail.
You determine the path that you gonna walk,
If you stumble and fall, rise and stand tall.