It's like...

You can’t fly without a sky
You can’t clean your hands with a dirty soap
You can’t cover your shivering body with a wet coat
You are just making it worse

It’s like…
Waiting for the help when nobody care
Trying to make it better when no one is even there
You’re are losing yourself for nothing

It’s like…
Loving someone who don’t deserve
Following a dream that will get you to nowhere
Giving your all for no one
You’re are losing yourself for nothing

CCM - for you...

Nest building...

Today mark the first day of renovation for our new home... the start of building our own little nest...

First to do is to tear down the kitchen cabinets and wardrobes... That's the progress so far for Day 1. But our minds are still empty on how and where to start, as we have nothing planned or designs ready yet... But I am sure as the days go along, our little nest will turns out to be perfect...

Will be updating on the progress of our nest building here...

Poem for my gals..

What can one do when seeing your gals tied up with their schoolwork, so stressed with their exams, but unable to help them? I always thought moms can do wonders, but at times like this, so desperate wanting to help, but not able to understand what is going on with their work? That’s me…

The most I can do is to help them to type some notes, print them out. Cut papers and trying to be useful and helpful. Trying to accompany them through their work, and giving them support and encouraging words ... the most I can do is to write something for the gals...

In my daughter’s eyes I wish I am a hero
I wish I am strong and wise and know no fear
I wish I am able to give them
Strength when they are weak
But the truth is plain to see

When she wraps her hand
Around my finger
Oh it put a smile in my heart
It is like when I feel like giving up
Then I see the light in my daughter’s eyes

Though she will grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
Or when I am gone one day
I hope you will see how happy
You have made me

My Name?

What Jennifer Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings.
You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun.
Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

My workload is piling...

My workload is piling unbelievably higher and higher as the day goes by... I am feeling so suffocated and tired. Wondering when all these work or problems will be settled, wondering how long I can last... I really need a break.

But!!!
Looking at the bright side...
At least I'm still get paid for my sufferings...
At least I still have my two beautiful gals with me...
At least we are going to move into my own home soon...

Our own home....

At last, one of the dreams 3 of us are always hoping for comes true. Today we collected the keys to our new home, our own home sweet home... This will be our very first home, just the 3 of us...

From tomorrow onwards, we will be getting busy with the designing, the renovations, etc.. Phew... So excited about it...renovating our first home together. No doubt there will sure be arguments and disagreements on some ideas/things which we will not agree with each other, but I think everything will be going to work out fine.

From now onwards, the path ahead will also be a tough one, with the housing loan, maintenance, electrical bills, etc to pay every month, we need to tie our purse strings tightly, and not spend unnecessarily. But then, having our own home, I think the struggling is worth it..

Our Home Sweet Home...!!!

My Angel...

There are many Angels in the world;
Some are peacefully sleeping on clouds, a few are playing
And one is reading this.
Thank you, my angel...

Are you one of my Angels? My Guardian Angel?

Happy Anniversary....

Happy Anniversary to me and him. Today will be our 22nd anniversary, if we are still in the marriage. Wondered if he remembered? I doubt so, he don't even remember it when we are together, so definitely not now...

Sometimes I will still wonder what he is doing now? Found someone new? Will he still think of us, his 2 gals? especially on days like today and birthdays...

Even though we are not together now, and even though he won't be reading this, I still want to thank him... Thank him for giving me my two little princesses, two of the most beautiful gals one can ever ask for. Without them, I don't think my life will be as wonderful as now. Without them, I don't think I can last through this lonely journey alone..

Well, at least there is still something good from the marriage...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I smile
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes I am fearful
Sometimes I want to die
Sometimes I am tearful
Sometimes I am happy
Sometimes I am sad
Sometimes I am lonely
Sometimes I am mad
Sometimes I can't say
Sometimes I talk all the way
Sometimes I want to go out and play
Sometimes I want to hold my breath

I just live by every emotion , moment by moment.. day by day ....!!!

Sh*t You!

V called this morning, and said she just had breakfast with him. She went on to telling him must keep in contact with the gals (why bother?), and he claimed that he is still contacting them. What a liar! So far, he has not even called either one of them since he left us. Why is he until now still trying to show/tell others that what a good man/father he is? What is he trying to portray? I felt so annoyed and frustrated..I am so angry now and my head feels like bursting...
The Ten of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in acceptance. It's over and done in no uncertain terms. I recognize, surrender to or accept the finality of the truth or consequences in order to look to the future or have "changed my mind." I let go of all attachment or resistance to sustaining conditions that don't work or are out of my hands. E tu brute? I can't move forward by beating a dead horse. It's the last word so put a period on it and move on. I am empowered by truth and consequences and my virtue is liberation or release from suffering, uncertainty or victimhood.