Shitty Monday..

What a Monday... it's only 11 am, and I am exhuasted... nothing seems to be right... The last weekend was so boring and bored, stayed at home and watched TV all the while.. Soon I will become sofa potato..

Val called on Sat, and said she bumped into him. So What? I should have brushed it off already, right? But why am I still so bothered about the things she told me? Why it will still affect me... I should be strong enough by now, but why am I still so miseable? I need to portray to the world the person I want them to see.. pretend that everything is ok... but I am getting very tired..

I never thought I will give up
But I can stand no more
Everything is letting me down
And I have no control
I don’t know where I have been
It seems like I just got the rules
Like I have been dreaming all the time
And only now I realize the truth
Should I return to my dreams
Or should I continue to play the games?
But how can I be someone else?
I am so lost that I pretend
That if I close my eyes and count to ten
Everything will be ok
And I will have my life again

幸福

Recently I am hooked on this album by 黃思婷. It's more like a spiritual album, but the songs are very soothing...When I am in a lousy mood, or when feeling lonely, I will have this album playing, it really helps.. I especially like one of the song inside, the lyrics is very meaningful, as Someone has been telling me all the while... 施比受更有福，付出就是一种幸福。

纵然俯看茫茫人世中，
多少纷纷扰扰失落的眼神，
漂泊的灵魂与无助的身影，
深深刻刻印在我心中，
不愿看见困惑与悲伤，
牵手走出黑暗太阳不西沉，
明天复明天希望却何其多，
得失只是一种过程。

站在世上最高之巅，
潜进海里最深之源，
终於明白人世间，
施比受更有福，
付出就是一种幸福。

用爱走出人生的路，
关怀身边每一个人，
今后回顾这一生，
我不枉费此生，
潇洒踏步不带尘土。

http://www.youmaker.com/video/sa?id=5e0f4e3e01cb48ce8622473bb89c8c8b001

Happy 18th Birthday...

Happy Birthday to you...
Happy Birthday to you..
Happy Birthday my baby...
Happy Birthday to you...

Today is my little baby's 18th birthday... We had a little BBQ party for her last night, but it started to rain before we have anything to eat... Moved everything upstairs, so we have a little buffet party instead... It was fun running in the rain, I think... and I hope she and her friends had great fun too...

I know 18 years old is a legal age for some stuff... but no matter what, you must always think carefully before you do it... Some things once done, are not able to reverse, to delete, or turn back... Everything you do now, will reflect on your life later, so do not think of now, but also your future, your life ahead... As I have told you, when you are 18, 28, 38, 48 or 58, you are always and will be always my baby... a never grown up baby...

I just want you to be happy always, and I am always here for you... I wish I can give you everything you need in life, every love you need... Mummy will always love you... Stay sweet and happy always...

For you.. For me..

I am now stuck in office on a Saturday afternoon, stuck with my work... Stealing 2 minutes of my time to read CCM's blog...And I think at last after a long struggle, she is letting go... letting go of the person, her love, her dream...

Well, not everyone or everything will turn out the way we wished...But as long as we know we have tried our best, do not dwell on to the past... Just lift your head up and move on... Tomorrow when you open your eyes, the sun will be shinning brightly again...

拥有的时候要珍惜
失去的時候不後悔

两个人在一起，
不是简简单单的爱就行吗？
不是只有坦承相对,
就可以维持永远吗？

为什么我们的世界这么复杂,
是因为我们想得东西太多了？
是因为我们害怕去爱？
是因为我们害怕失去？

我们可以永远停留在最开心的日子吗？
我们可以永远都不会面对黑暗吗？

Tears & Joys
Ups & Downs..
Hand in hand
Going through life together

Leaving behind of what is not suppose to be ours
Leaving behind all our unhappiness
Looking forward of what is suppose to be our picture
Looking forward to our little sunshine

Do not ask for more
But walk the extra road ahead
Cos what stood in front of us
Is the best of what we will have

Random poem by me... does it make sense?

七夕情人节。。。

今天是农历七月初七， 也是七夕紫色情人节，是相传牛郎织女鹊桥相会的日子。。。
而且今天天空一定会下雨。。。因为是一年一次的相会， 相思的激动， 见面的喜悦， 短暂相见后， 又是一年伤心的别离， 种种感情交织在一起的泪水滑落下来， 使这人间下了“七夕”之雨。。。

有人牵挂是一种幸福， 有人思念也是一种幸福。。。

希望我们。。。七夕快乐
希望我们。。。 永远开开心心
希望我们。。。 一直都幸福

Winter in my heart...

I try to be positive and a little humorous around people, but sometimes it feels like swimming against the tide... I try to look happy and cheerful around people, but sometimes the heart feels cold and lonely... Sometimes I think I need to think more positively about things. Maybe I am at a stage that I have to accept and face my problems and move on with things... But it is easier said than done. What is gone cannot be found again... What is empty, cannot be replaced again... When will the sun shine in my heart again???

Here's a winter in my heart
It's cold, lonely and bare
No matter what I try to plant
Nothing ever grows there
Fertilizers are of no use
The green grass is dead and gone
There are no bees buzzing
And no birds singing songs
There's a winter in my heart
A place where love once resided
Love ran away with the spring
After feeling unwanted and chided
Love has found its place
Among the blossoming trees
Never wanting to return
To my frozen, lifeless leaves
There's a winter in my heart
I await the season's change
to melt away the ice and snow
and with it, take the pain

it's August...

I have no idea where July went, or even June for that matter... but, the fact is - it is August 1st today! Actually there is nothing special this month..except maybe for our National Day next week, but then it is on a Saturday, which does not give us an extra day off..

The only thing I find special is next Friday, which will be the 08-08-08, and in Chinese calendar, it is also the 8th day of the Seventh month... Wow... so many 8s in a day... and it's the official opening for Olympics 2008 in Beijing...

Tomorrow will be weekend again... time to relax myself a little, maybe will try to do some baking...

Brighter Days Ahead...

Last night had dinner with my jie jies, we had mala steamboat. It was quite a while since we last met... All of us are busy, especially Sanjie and me. She is busy with her business, me with the new house... But nevertheless, we will still find time to get together... and we had quite a fun time chatting and laughing together...

Sanjie was asking me why my blog is always so sad, why I seemed to be down and troubled? Do I really sounds so pessimistic? Dajie told me I should learn how to let go, and not keep on asking myself "what if...?"

Time has not been easy for me, especially the last couple of years.. Time seems to fly by too, it is already one year since I am divorced, legally single. Yes, I should tell myself not dwell on the past, but look ahead, to search for my sunny and brighter days...

Time keeps moving on
Through the sunshine and the storm
And my dreams are set in stone
And someday I’ll be who I want to be
For now I’ll wait
For the sun to shine again
And for now I’ll wait
For the rain to pass away

’ll see the sun one day shine upon me
I’ll see the sun one day
And watch the nighttime turn to morning

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

Our Freedom...

I'm back.. Had not come into "my little space for thoughts" for nearly a month... Havd been busy with packing, unpacking, decorating the house, non-ending stuffs to do.. Now at least the house looks like home, our own little nest just for the three of us...

The last few days, when mei was at home alone everyday while jie went to school and me at work, I asked her, "do you feel bored?" Her reply to me was "No, cos no one to nag at me now..." It made me realised what my gals have been missing all the while, their little own space...

Everyday just looking forward to go home... to play our Wii games... to our little heaven... freedom at last...

My horoscope for Friday, June 27:

You're in good spirits today and your playful mood busts out more than once when others are starting to feel down. It's a good time to plow through boring or repetitive tasks while it's still fun!

The last few days had been very busy and stressed... with work, with the renovations, getting the nest ready, and packing.. Well, as my horoscope said today, actually packing up our stuff is quite fun... you can find things which had gone missing for a long time, things which was once a treasure to you, seeing old photographs of yourselves and laughing at it... and lots of funny stuffs that you had kept for so long, and wondered why you would have bought in at the first place...

Well.. I think my this weekend will be spent packing up the things as we still have tons of things to pack.. and getting our nest ready for us...

Wanna be loved...

Just happen to chance on this song, and I think it speaks someone's mood (maybe mine too) at this moment... Cheer up and you will find your 'You' very soon...!!!

Love once left me cold and gray
I had almost reached heaven
Just to feel it slip away
But life's too short to waste away
Being scared to take chances
Or so I've heard wise men say

I wanna be loved
Faithful and true
I wanna be loved
Ten million lifetimes with you
I wanna be loved
And after all I've been through
I'll let my heart take it's chances, just to be loved by you

I wanna feel there's a reason for living again
I want us to fly far away
And I want my heart to sing the words only you can understand
So put your hand in mine, say a prayer tonight
So that we may find love

"I Wanna Be Loved"--Eric Benét

Sunshine After Storm?

Is there sunshine after storm? Who will shelter me? Who will hold the umbrella for me? Is there rainbow ahead for me?

人生路上甜苦和喜忧
愿与你分担所有
难免曾经跌倒和等侯
要勇敢的抬头
谁愿常躲在避风的港口
宁忧波涛汹涌的自由
愿是你心中灯塔的守候
在迷雾中让你看透
阳光总在风雨后
乌云上有晴空
珍惜所以的感动
每一份希望在你手中
阳光总在风雨后
谁相信有彩虹
风风雨雨都接受
我一直会在你的左右

Misses Glass

Recently, I am having very low self-esteem, and trying to work my ass out to try to finish up my work-load, and to cope with my daily life. I know I am not super woman, and will never be able to make everyone satisfied and happy, but I am trying my very best, and pushing myself very hard... hope I can last...

See I try to hide the fact
That I am just a fragile individual
So I give off this facade that I'm so hard
When in fact I'm far from unbreakable
I'm so afraid to talk and express myself
Keepin' all my feelings bottled inside
Of this empty shell that I call my heart
'Cause I can't let love back in again...
Oh, I wish I'd known love was cold before I fell in
'Cause I went head on with its storm
Like lightning going into sand...

Oh, it's better to have loved
Than not to have loved at all
So I guess I should feel fortunate
But it don't feel that way, least not in my heart
'Cause see love has left me broken (broken like glass)
So when you see me you can call me
See me you can call me Misses Glass

Now after all the lying to myself
I'm stuck feeling miserable
When I have forced myself to be somebody else
Making me seem invisible
'Cause see I'm a woman like any other woman
Indecisive and emotional
And you might never ever know
Oh, I wish I'd known love was cold before I fell in
'Cause I went head on with its storm
Like lightning going into sand.

Misses Glass - Leona Lewis

位置..

Empty your heart now, and fill it with with joy. Empty your grief, your guilt, and fill it with love, empty your hatred and your sadness, and fill it with happiness...

But I am not able to do it... I can't feel anything now, I can't think of anything now... I have my doubts that I will able to happy again.. truly happy...

Can I just melt away... Can I just disappear into the thin air???

月色映在我的脸庞
今夜适合寂寞陪伴
说过的话绕在我脑海不停的转
有些事总不能重来
我不愿意也没法办
所以说我要抛开这一切烦
你在我心里占了这个位置
才能对你透露所有心事
眼前的一切风风雨雨
需要我们携手坚持
我在你的心里有多少位置
只有你自己最能够解释
我相信这答案是我乐意
见到的唯一表示
不想在地表里消失
你给我的爱是无知还不懂事
现在我才慢慢发现我的坚持
痛依然在我心里还浑然不知